Honsetly, I have been begging for answers.

I'm sitting here, thinking about all the other people in the world.
It's hard to go about your daily business with the thought 'I'm just one in almost seven billion.' It makes me feel so small, just a number in a sea of numbers, and if one of those numbers disappears, well then, more for the rest of us.
I hate that kind of thinking, because it makes me feel so lonely, yet so malicious at the same time. They're bad feelings alone, but together it makes me feel crazy. I'm restless, and for some reason, my normal route of blasting MCR, The Used, SKSK, TBS, and other punk bands until I can't think isn't really working.
Something Brenda's mom said in the car today really hit me- "If your depressed, it's not like you feel down one day, but if it continues day after day after week, you need to tell someone..." It made me think that the people who are trying their hardest to help you, honestly have no idea what you feel. It's like Brenda said, "As kids, we don't need someone telling us 'Oh, thats bad, don't feel that!' but someone saying 'Yeah, I've been there. I understand that feeling, and trust me, suicide is not the answer. I've felt like that too, and it's not something that you can just shake off.'"
It's so intensly true, because you can't just tell someone to stop somehting and expect them to actually do it. If someone told me to stop worrying, I would be lying if I said that I would listen. It's part of me, like these feelings or where my heart sides on things. I can't just forget about everything I've been through.

Anyway, I'm gunna go eat some icecream and watch the election.
goodnight.
hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight.