I'm in the process of figuring myself out. I think everyone is, but not everyone knows it. I've been trying new things, acting a bit differently, to see if anything fits.
I think the reason I'm trying so hard to find where Sarah fits into this world as a person is, I have a feeling once I know who I really am, I'll be able to answer the questions that people ask me everyday.
"Why are you wearing that?"
"What are you thinking?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"Are you crazy?"
Underneath it all, I think it's because I want so desperately to be noticed by people. Even if it's just an 'ew, who the hell is that emo freak?' passing thought, I like to be noticed and stand out.
My whole life has been one huge attempt at finding ways to stand out and yet, still fit in. No matter how much I renounce my former, preppy, backstabbing, crazed, bitchy ways, I still find myself being painfully self-conscience. When I'm happy, I mean, TRULY, truly, happy, I am always not thinking about how weird I look, or what I'm saying, or who might be looking at me. I'm just living in the moment, ignoring everything else.
And for some reason, that's so hard for me to do.
It really bothers me.
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